sorry??????????

I don’t know if I am sorry

Though I know I don’t regret it.

My heart may try to deny you

But maybe now you see me.

I’m not just a letter, words on a paper

Not simple penned phrases at night.

I gave you my heart and you tore it

You ripped it to miniscule shreds.

The truth was an answer I’d begged for

Your lies were not something I wanted.

Whether you’d wanted the real me

Was a sentiment you never wrought.

So if I have killed all your happiness

By directing my hurt onto you,

Then forgive me for doing what you did

Forgive me for acting the same

...........2 years...........

We have transfer to a place called "jabreda",it is a very small town in haridwar where no telephone service, no internet service, no communication service were there...we were there in mid night and our luggage were shifted by our landlord and by my father ...i was too small so i could not help ..i can remember i was in 6th standard..... next morning i met a lady which was the wife of the landlord....she hugged me and kissed me on my forehead with full affection and invited me and my family for food......it was DAAL ,RICE and PICKLE ,it was the best DAAL ,RICE i have ever eaten.
Me and my mom were arranging our things in the house suddenly she came to us and asked for any help ...my mom replied with a smile "no,thank you we can manage "...despite of denial of my mom she forcefully started helping us which was quite needed.She was a strong physics woman and was very helpful,supportive, talkative and yes illiterate....she had two sons sunil and mange .... both sons were not good they used to insult her mom ,they didn't have any respect for her mom according to my definition of respect ....i can remember the routine of the lady ....she woke up at 4:30 am and used to go for animals and arrange the fodder for animals then she arranged the breakfast for her husband and sons as they had to go to shop at 7 am.....she was very fond of tea and used to take one lota tea...then she washed the dishes and regular homely stuff finally she used to go to bed at 9:00 pm as in towns 9:00pm is a proper time to sleep
Once i asked "aunty , aap itna kaam kaise kar leti ho aur aap bhaiya logo ko daati kyu nhi ki wo aapki insult karte hain"...she replied "beta , tu aabhi bhot chota hai samajne k liye"....there was a incident when her husband beat her because she didn't cook the desired food ....her husband beat her very badly.... i can remember i went to her after some time ..there was swelling on her face.....once i asked her aunty ..have you ever visited to haridwar....she replied,"mai apni shadi k baad se kabhi bhe kahi nhi gyi" and i was damn shocked and thought how can it be possible.....the house in which we stayed was the only hindu house in the locality rest were muslims so i used to listen aajaan .....on road hens used to visited freely hahaha ...there was no water service provided by gov so we had to bring water from the hand pump 500 meters away...i used to bring 12 buckets of water in a day ......and the lady used to bring 30 buckets.....i spent 2 years there life was tuff but despite of tuffness i learnt and saw many things there....i saw how vulnerable a woman can....i learnt how to abuse there hahah.........
when we were leaving the place the woman was crying ...me and my mom too....its been 12 yeas after leaving that place but i can still remember the woman......and surprisingly i still don't know her name but i respect her not because of her vulnarability but for the affection and love she had for me and for everyone is respectable............................

GOD made us or we created GOD???????????

One question which inevitably comes up in my mind of this nature is what is the origin of God? If God created matter/energy, and designed the systems that have propelled matter into its present arrangement, who or what accomplished that for God? Why is it any more reasonable to believe that God has always “been” than it is to say that matter has always “been”? “If we say that God has always been, why not save a step and conclude that the universe has always been?”and as vivekanand said "i believe in GOD not because others believe in GOD and i don't believe in GOD if i believe in it because GOD will punish me"
I present concerning the existence of God and of all the material that I try to make available to people to learn about God's existence, the present lesson, "Why I Left Atheism," is the lesson in the series that I frankly do not like to present. I guess none of us like to look back in our lives to a time when we made poor judgments and foolish mistakes.........when we took rather really idiotic positions....and admit this, especially to people we are not well acquainted with. I present this lesson, however, because it is my fervent hope and prayer that perhaps by exposing my mistakes, some who might be following the same paths (to a greater or lesser extent) might not make those same mistakes.................................

Flirting ...an incomplete conversation........!!!!!!!

It was the day when i got a friend request on orkut and that request was of a girl and i was bit surprised as normally it is not expected to get a friend request from a girl, her profile declared her name XYZ ...profile was quite interesting as a human being and as a boy it is quite obvious to grab a girl on orkut and start flirting with her , so did i....but i was in doubt this profile is fake someone is making my fool and i must not go for it......i asked XYZ "who are you and how did u find me?" she replied "i am new on orkut and by chance i found you..... can we fiends?"..still i was thinking about her fake identity but anyways we started chatting on gmail or gtalk but as i mentioned my doubt was on higher side so i was very measured with my words and in this process i asked some questions because i wanted to know her\his reaction....and the reaction was quite decent and it was good for me....and i started talking with her...... gradually i realized that she is very innocent ,sweet and cute girl...although she was also enjoying the things as i was not sure about her identity and was making fun of mine, she used to ask me suppose if i am not XYZ what will happen if i am dis or that what will happen and i also feel little fear for this but now she had become my good friend or you can say online friend.... we were talking many hrs a day and night and we were sharing our problems with each other.........but one day she said i wont be able to come online anymore........i asked why is it so.........she didn't replied just said "just be happy and best of luck for future".......and gone........................................................................................and left an incomplete conversation behind her, may be she was fake but what ever i talked to her those were happy moments for me...it was not only flirting i was some how emotionally connected with her and may be she too........we usually find many people who put a dark impact on us and our life ....i really wish i could talk to her again......may be one day she will stand in front of me and will say i am XYZ............................................................................................................

.......terror ..........the question

"Terror attack in Delhi" first two words are quite regular for us, in delhi is quite unusual ,it was really unfortunate thing what terrorists did , lots people have injured many have died......the only thing that i can do or we can do showing our grief to those family who have lost their loved ones........may b one day we can live in a country where the society will be terror free.........but it seems quite difficult....reason behind is that when you are in power you want to rule over all people...you don't listen what people expects from you.......and when you don't listen what they are saying then will have to shout on you ....and may be these blasts are the way of their shouting and definitely wrong way....here i am not favouring any terrorist activity but we must understand the reality too.........for our politicians INDIA lies only in metropolitan cities and in some other big cities..they don't care about those places where people don't have proper food to eat,don't have proper clothes ,don't have any shelter to live ......and when you are not providing them their basics they will definitely something wrong..may be leaded by ant political person who have very wrong intentions.........we say these blasts killed innocent people yes they were innocent people but what about those people who are dead because of lack of food and other sources........they were also innocent people.Their is no benefit to compare way of death but the thing is people who are rich are getting richer and who are poor are getting poorer.......the gap between society is being increased day by day.......and politician are playing the worst part in this.."wo apni rotiyan sekhni jante hain"........if we really want to live in terror free india we will have to fill the gap of rich and poor and be educated so that no political person can guide us in the wrong direction........god bless our country

.......battle of the sexes........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Much of this talk about feminism is nonsense", beatrice webb told one day."any woman would rather be beautiful than clever" ," quite true," she replied,"but that is because so many men are stupid and so few are blind"

.......should we proud to be indian????

India is a large country with lots of cultures,languages,traditions and religions.......we use to say india is a great country and we proud of it,yes we must proud of it but do we really know for what we are prouding?? lots of argument may come that we are growing in every field whether it is IT,networking,economy,export blah blah.......but point is ...are growing morally ?? and i can say ..no we are not........it is always said that a politician is the face of the society from where he is elected and we all know how good our politicians are....when we say educated person it doesnt mean that he or she must know how to read and write rather than he or she must be morally educated....our politicians are not morally educated they dont have general awareness ....like when n-deal was there i was watching on television ...that one report asked to a MP what is the ful form of CTBT..and he replied"dekhiye hame itni jankaari nhi hai,aur mai to aabhi aabhi aaya hun"...and why i or we blame on gov or politicians !!!!! we as a ppl are also like them.......we fight on the basis of cast,religion..may be this is natural as strong always wants to dominate on weaker .......china can be our rolmodel as far as the growth is concerned........ but if we really want grow up we will have to grow all together.......we can not leave one portion of society behind.......in my openion greatness always comes with the residents of the nation and what positively they are contributing to the nation.............

........definition or perception of intelligent cinema........

I am a huge fan of movies or you can say cinema......latest movie that i saw was rock on(staring farhan akhtar), and when i came out of hall the reactions that i heard
were shocking, yes that is different thing that i saw the movie in the hall in which balcony was of 35 rs but the point is people didn't like it and when i say people it always associates with comman people.......when i asked what u didn't like about it one person replied"bhaiya mere to palle he na padi , kay tha ye",almost same comments were there frm other people too....may be this is case of different taste or perception but the thing is are we really ready to accept the intelligent cinema and what is the definition of it.....i have seen such worst movies which were declared as super hit, i am no body to decide but its time to give some credit to good cinema.
I am big fan of hollywood movies but it doesn't mean i hate indian movies ,actually we can not categorized the art in what form they are building up....art is some thing that doesn't need any language,recently i saw "pursuit of happiness" with my family while my family doesn't like haollywood films but after the movie all of us were in silent mode and were appeciating the wonderful work without saying any word......in my openion we are still far behind hollywood as far as the screen play and script are concerned..........and as an audience i can say people of india are not ready to accept intelligent cinema.......may b there are so many reasons we can give but the fact is we do not respect good and real cinema......